Gold pushed past $2,900 an ounce this week, another in a string of all-time highs that have turned the metal into the internet's favorite financial personality.
If your social feeds look anything like mine, you've seen the same breathless posts: central banks are hoarding it, the dollar is doomed, and you'd be a fool not to own some.
Before you liquidate your emergency fund, let's talk about who actually benefits from that story.
Start with the obvious: gold pays no interest and no dividend.
It just sits there, shiny and inert, while your high-yield savings account quietly pays you 4% or more.
When rates were near zero, gold's lack of yield didn't cost you much.
Today it costs you real money every month you hold it instead of a Treasury bill.
Mostly because central banks, led by China, have been buying at a historic clip, and because investors get nervous when inflation reports come in hot and Washington can't pass a budget.
Gold thrives on fear the way a hardware store thrives on hurricanes.
It does mean you're buying an insurance policy, not a lottery ticket.
And here's the part the goldbugs skip: by the time a record high makes the evening news, you're usually late to the party.
Retail buyers tend to pile in near tops, then get bored and sell near bottoms.
The people making reliable money in gold are the ones selling coins, funds, and "strategies" to everyone else.
Check the premium on a one-ounce coin at your local dealer versus the spot price.
If you buy coins, you need a safe, insurance, and a plan for selling that doesn't involve a pawn shop lowballing you.
If you buy an ETF, you're paying an expense ratio for a piece of paper that tracks something you can't touch.
Neither is a scam, but neither is the frictionless wealth machine the ads imply.
Storage, spreads, and taxes eat into the story.
A small slice, say 5% of a diversified portfolio, as a hedge against genuinely bad outcomes is defensible.
A 30% position because a guy on YouTube said the dollar is collapsing is a different animal.
The dollar has been "collapsing" in goldbug sermons since the 1970s, and the world still prices oil in it.
What you should do instead depends on what you actually need.
If you're carrying credit card balances at 22%, paying those off is a guaranteed return no metal can match.
If you're behind on retirement savings, a boring index fund has historically beaten gold over long stretches.
If you just want something tangible in uncertain times, fine, but size it like a hedge, not a religion.
Watch the fees and the fear-mongering, because both are priced for the seller's benefit.
My take: gold is a reasonable small hedge and a terrible get-rich plan.
The people shouting loudest about it are almost always the ones charging you for access.
Final Thoughts
Buy a little if it helps you sleep, but don't let a record price talk you out of boring, interest-paying, unglamorous assets that have quietly been doing the job all along.